This is slightly tongue in cheek, but it's a question I'm often asked by people new to the island, so I thought I'd come up with a few pointers to try to highlight the cultural differences between our two races:
1/ Politeness. The Spanish think we are ridiculously polite. Witness a basic shop transaction, for example buying a packet of cigarettes. a Brit will ask for the cigarettes please, once the price is given they will hand over the money with the words Thankyou, and when they receive their change they will again say thankyou, and depart by saying goodbye. Now the average Spaniard will conduct the whole transaction simply by asking for the cigarettes and saying goodbye at the end. This isn't rudeness, simply a state of mind. The shop is there to serve, no need to thank them for doing what you are paying them to do!
2/ Giving Way. Don't do it! If you try to wave a car into a traffic stream, you will cause huge confusion. Giving way does not exist here as a concept. You just have to wait until you can exit your junction! flashing headlamps mean "I'M COMING THROUGH!" not "Come on out mate!"
3/ Telephones. I had a classic example the other day of telephone usage when I called my Lawyer and asked the receptionist if she was in. The answer was "No" End of story. Now the same question to a UK receptionist would have elicited something like "I'm terribly sorry, she's not here at the moment, but can I take a message and ask her to call you?" To the Spanish receptionist, she was simply and succinctly answering my question! Which brings me on to work in general;
4/ Work. Most Spanish people view work as simply the means to earn enough money to have a good social life. I wholeheartedly support this notion, but it does mean that if a shop is due to close at 5, then it will, even if there are 20 customers waiting to pay at the till. Most Spaniards expect to finish when they should and won't work extra hours "to finish off." Get used to it!
5/ Kids. Kids are welcome and tolerated everywhere. If you've got them you'll be grateful, if you haven't you might find it a pain, but they are loved and respected, and when you are invited anywhere, the kids will usually be expected along as well. The biggest benefit is that your kids will learn to behave much better in social circumstances with adults. A Spanish friend told with with horror the other day that he's heard that some Brits feed their kids frozen food separate from the adults and don't have a family meal at the end of each day. This goes on to bedtimes;
6/ Bedtimes. Most Spanish kids observe a siesta, which means they tend to be up much later during the week and seemingly all night at weekends, which of course means we should discuss;
7/ Siestas. Try it! I did and failed dismally. My Anglo Saxon guilt didn't allow me to relax, knowing that I had to go back to work again, but some people have converted successfully. The type of siesta I really enjoy now, is the odd Saturday / Sunday afternoon one, after a good tapas lunch and a couple of beers! Talking of beers, we should talk about;
8/ Alcohol. Brits have a reputation as really hardened drinkers. It is very, very rare to see Spanish people drunk. Even the youngsters seem to have developed the knack of switching to soft drinks as they reach that "merry, but in control" stage. Really legless people are definitely frowned upon. So we should discuss;
9/ Tourists. Most Spanish recognise that tourism has brought wealth and stability to the islands. And while you might hear the odd "turisticas!" muttered under the breath, generally speaking they welcome all comers. And Finally talking of all comers;
10/ Foreign Residents. The only foreigners I hear consistently complained about are Moroccans, who seem to be blamed for everything that goes wrong here, Generally speaking we are all welcome, as long as we make an effort to integrate and are seen to contribute something.
In summary the Spanish are a pretty tolerant race, who love life and try to live it to the full. They are generally faithful to their partners, although they all appreciate an attractive member of the opposite sex and make no bones about doing so, and they are pretty honest and hate being in debt. They're pretty canny with money, and will do almost anything to reduce their tax bill! Sounds pretty good to me!
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